How we talk about our bodies...

Hatred is a strange unifier. People declare that they hate injustice and band together to fight. People can share in hatred of pancakes and bond over those mutual feelings... although, can anyone really hate pancakes?

As women, we live in a society where it has become acceptable to bond over the hatred of our bodies. Women gather together and mourn the things they dislike, even hate, about their appearance. I have a belly, I jiggle, I have ugly feet, my skin isn’t clear, I don’t like my thighs, I have stringy hair; it’s all been said. We can watch movies like “Mean Girls” and listen to those conversations and not be affected by them because they are so integrated into our lives. We would never say these things to other people, so why is it tolerated when we say these things to ourselves? Yes, women will affirm one another in these situations. Usually when one comments on an aspect of their body another reaches out to counter why that belief isn’t true. Women want to show support and love to one another, but why aren’t we challenging these conversations in the first place? 

How we speak about ourselves is powerful. The more we vocalize our beliefs about ourselves the more they have the opportunity to solidify in our minds. Keep talking about how unattractive your “belly” is and you will place yourself further and further from being able to embrace your body as it is. When we disassociate from our bodies and perceive them as not being our true bodies, we prevent ourselves from truly being able to nurture ourselves. 

Instead of focusing on perceived flaws, what would it be like to acknowledge the things you do like about your body? The perspective on that is usually that one would come off as self-absorbed. I try to imagine what it would be like to hear someone say that they love how beautiful their hair is. I admit that I have been conditioned to roll my eyes at such a comment and think of them as vain. I have fallen into the trap that says that denial of our positives is humility and acknowledgement is arrogance, but these are lies. That paradigm of thinking only leads us to be ashamed of what is good and hyper focus on what we can’t embrace in ourselves. 

What if the response to someone affirming themselves was, “YES!!” I know that some people find themselves in a place of not having anything good to say about themselves, but you can begin with anything as small as, “I love the color of my eyes,” or “I like my pinky finger.” Acknowledge your beauty and the beauty of others without fear!

Malia is a Nashville based dietitian with a heart to help people learn to how to nurture themselves. She has a heart for alternative transportation and reducing food waste. Her dream is to ride a tandem bike all over the world. 

What is enough?

Recently I was sick in bed and had the TV tuned to a Christian TV show. The Q&A portion of the show posed this question: “God hasn’t provided for me…I’m really mad at Him. Will I still get into heaven?”

As I lay in bed, the question did not sit well with me. I began to get frustrated thinking of my own circumstance and the circumstances of those around me. And in the midst of the most consumer driven season of the year I began to ask questions about 'provision'. What is it? Have I been provided for? What is enough?

I recently returned from a MAM trip to a Native American reservation in North Dakota, where although the government is giving monthly monies to the families, the children are living without enough food, without gloves or socks. Our host church had its final heater go out while we were there - in an area where last year there were 2 solid months where the temperature did not rise above -10! They can no longer heat the building where they lovingly meet the spiritual needs of this community, feed the hungry and give the youth and the children of Fort Yates somewhere to be. 

Then I come home to my middle class neighborhood in Franklin, TN, where I see prosperity in many ways and yet face my reality of not having enough. My neighbors recently had to replace their heating system which has caused stress on their finances. And me, I am a full time volunteer, our bills have gone up $750 in the past 12 months and we are just treading water on our debt. It's hard to think about around Christmas time when I am trying to feel generous and full of holiday cheer. 

It is easy for me to become overwhelmed and look around and wish my family had what others do. It is easy to say that we don’t have enough; that we need more. And sometimes, we do. Some months we spend more than we make and just put it on the credit card, because what else are you supposed to do when your heat goes out or your car breaks down?

But then I think of the children in North Dakota. The children all over the world who are starving, have no homes, no education, no parents even. And I am ashamed of myself. Ashamed that I am not satisfied, ashamed that I am jealous, ashamed that I don’t give more. But how can I? How can I give more and do more? When I need to feed my own family, pay off debt and pay bills. How can I do it all? I can do it! I have to cut back. Cut back giving, cut back spending…and I am again lost in ME. And the cycle of frustration is complete. Be conscious of my needs, become stressed and have anxiety about my needs, see the needs of others, be overwhelmed with the enormousness of the need of those around me, feel guilt and shame about my needs, try and find a solution, while finding a solution I become consumed with my needs… and the cycle starts again. 

And I am pretty sure I am not alone in this...  We are in this cycle because we care about the world around us. We see the need of others. But we see our need and feel hopeless to meet the needs in our families without even trying to make a dent in the needs of the world around us. 

I believe our idea of provision is subjective. I see those who have more and think they could never have legitimate needs. And I look at those who have less and feel guilty that I don’t do more to meet their needs. Its all about my perspective. I look at my needs and compare them to the needs of those around me and use this as a scale to validate my spending or my complaining.

The idea that I am not provided for by God is kind of ridiculous when I think that even if I was living in a homeless shelter or a cardboard box on the side of the road, that is provision. Whether I am eating a free meal provided by The Salvation Army or a home cooked, organic meal both are provision. Every time I wake up to a new day on this planet it is provision. It is only my comparing myself to those around me and the provision that they have that keeps me in this guilt/jealousy cycle. 

When I choose to ask God to be my provider I can be patient and wait on the needs that I have, I am grateful for all he has given me and I understand that what I don’t have, I don’t need - freeing me being envious of others.  When I understand that God provides for each person and that ultimately we are each in the hands of a God who provides, it frees me from the guilt that I feel for acknowledging my needs and any guilt for having the physical gifts that God has given me. 

When I see God as both my provider and the provider of those around me, if frees me to be grateful and generous. I no longer give out of obligation and guilt. I give to others not because I think I have to provide for them but because I am so grateful for what has been given to me and I give out of the joy and generosity of knowing that God is providing for others but I can be used by Him to facilitate that provision.  

This holiday season, a time where we are pushed to compare ourselves in every area, especially in what we have; a time when we feel guilted into giving to those who have less; a time when we are tempted to be jealous of those who have more - let's remember to place ourselves and those around us in the hands of the One who really is responsible for providing. Let's remember to be happy for those around us who have much and to be generous with those who have little. And most of all, lets remember to be satisfied and grateful for what God has provided for each of us. 

Christy Brooks is the founder and director of Morning After Ministries. She is passionate about every person knowing that they are loved, valued and empowered to make positive choices. Christy can often be found curled up on the couch, avoiding the cold, reading the latest young adult dystopian novel while snuggling with her young daughter.

Going Back to North Dakota...

When we said that we were going back to North Dakota in November most people looked at us like we had told them we were going to the moon. Why would you want to head into one of America's bleakest environments in winter? Simple. MAM left a piece of it's heart in North Dakota in a small town in the middle of Standing Rock Reservation so we didn't have a choice.

It was great to be back in Fort Yates and with a bigger team and a change in our agenda. After our trip in the summer, MAM has felt strongly that we should find ways to support Lance and Line and the young people in the community. This trip was all about exploring our partnership and seeing what support and services MAM might bring while providing some training for adults and programs for the youth and children.

Our Friday was filled with lots of children and young people from the local area - playing games, doing craft, enjoying the snow and some devotions and testimonies to round off the end of the day. Tytus and Jamie, our children's workers, ran some awesome activities for the children building trust and relationship very quickly - it was a joy for the rest of us on team to see them in action. There was an institution quickly established in the shape of foursquare - if ever there was a second of free time over the weekend Lance and all the guys on our team would be playing regardless of whether there were any youth there or not!

MAM also had opportunity on Friday to meet some of the teachers and social workers from Standing Rock Community Middle and High schools to see whether they would be interested in our curriculum for the students. There was a good deal of enthusiasm for what MAM could bring as outsiders to the local community - offering safe space for the young people to discuss their issues. The teachers felt that our lessons might help them gain some purpose and goals to look towards to take their eyes off of their bleak circumstances and give them a reason to keep going when things are difficult. We hope to run a trip back to the schools to run our programs in 2015. 

Saturday was a very different day with most of our focus going on training adults in dealing with the many issues that they face on the reservation. With April, who is a licensed counsellor, taking the lead we sessions on suicide prevention, counselling, self harm, addiction, sexual abuse and self care. Meanwhile, Tytus and Jamie ran some great activities for the children to keep them occupied while the adults were learning. 

Sunday was a more restful day where we were able to learn a bit more about the church and the reservation. George and Micah led worship at the church service where we joined in celebrating as Macy, one of Line's sunday school group, was baptised. We were all inspired by Pastor Ruger who despite being in his eighties drives 90+ miles to the church and back again every Sunday to lead the service - a very caring and wise man. It was a real privilege for our team to be worshipping among this small group of faithful believers who are holding out Jesus' light in that dark place.

After a whistle stop, very cold, tour of the reservation from Lance we had a great closing meeting with Lance and Line with time to share, worship and pray together. We have all been struck by the depth of relationship we have built with Lance and Line and their lovely family - and we were all so inspired by their relentlessness in loving the children and young people that God has put into their care. 

Once again, we found it hard to leave Lance and Line's little sanctuary and all our friends there - it was an extraordinary time of fellowship and learning for all of us. MAM will be back.

Time for a change

Most people around me, including myself, seem to be entering a new season of change and transition... Marriages, school changes, babies, major life-changing decisions being made, internships, jobs, relationship changes, you name it, it’s happening all around us. 

In the midst of all the change in my own life, I have finally realized that you can't do everything on your own. You can certainly try, but you will not get nearly as far as you will if you have a support system, and rely on God for your strength and wisdom. 

This summer I thought I had my life all sewn up. I was in a serious relationship. I was moving to Georgia. I was going to school there at KSU. I had plans for the future. I thought I knew exactly where my life was going but everything was about to change. 

For a long time my faith had been wavering, it was shaky and it was on the back burner - I knew that had to change. I made a decision at the beginning of the summer to start praying about all of my big decisions before committing to anything. While some things went overlooked, others I prayed about extensively - my personal relationships, moving, schools, internships, money, and my future. As a Christian, I want to honor God in all areas of my life and so I began speaking with God several times a day everything that was going on (not just the pretty parts!) and life began to change dramatically. 

As my relationship with God grew stronger I found my other personal relationships began to weaken. I came to realize that there were things in my life that did not honor God and my relationship with Him. The decisions I had made - to move to Georgia, to attend KSU - were all for the wrong reasons and I had left God out of them. After spending the summer in prayer and petition with the Lord and drawing close to him, nothing was working out with the move, the school, or, worst of all for me, with my relationship. I felt like my world was crashing down around me. 

I felt God was calling me to new things and so as hard as it was I made the decision to end that relationship, to stick in Nashville and to change schools and that led to lots of new things. Those decision would never have happened if I didn’t have faith - I had to step out and trust God and he put all of these opportunities in my path. I trusted that when one door closes, God always opens another. And in my case, He opened several. I have started an internship with MAM and I have a new job with flexible hours enabling me to take all these opportunities. I am actually able to graduate with my associate’s degree in Social Work this semester (which I did not believe would be possible). But it doesn’t stop there, I have been introduced to the opportunity to begin my own business that has the potential to provide for me for a good time to come. It also comes with the added blessing of being inspired by so many women who work based on the Golden Rule and ‘God first, family second, and career third’. How awesome is that? I am so blessed. 

Although I know the Christian life isn't always as rosy as it is right now, I know the only reason things have worked out so well for me is because I took a leap of faith in the right direction and I am now allowing God to lead my life because I know I cannot do it on my own. I know I cannot make decisions and grow in wisdom without going to my Heavenly Father. At this point, I have no idea what next semester holds for me, and I am not worried about it one bit. I am going to take everything one step at a time, and pray about every decision and make sure everything I do has a purpose.






Bri has been a long standing volunteer and is currently interning with MAM. She is great with kids and always has a smile for you. She likes to go adventuring, smell scented candles and jam out to loud music.

First Rate Version of Yourself - Beyond Compare

by: Jess Eveland

One of the hardest question I have ever had to answer was "Who am I?". In college (way back in the 90's) in Faith and Culture my professor pressed us to answer this question and at 19, I was not able to do it. When I tried to write my paper, it came back with a big red "X" through it and a note, "Your paper tells me facts but not your heart". WHAT?!

Looking back I now can see what my wise professor was trying to get me to do, but I was not able to see myself beyond my facts: Age, Birth Place, Major. I was working so hard to hide myself, my heart was so full of comparison, I reduced myself to just the facts. I was too scared of my truth and really busy trying my best to be someone else.

Sadly, my life did not fit the picture of a happy, upper-middle class, white girl at a Christian college. My life felt dark. Rejection, divorce, my young sister died of cancer, attempted suicide. I resolved that I would leave that all at home and live like everyone else. My resolution only lead to more hurt, pain, and depression. I left college so unsure of myself and NO idea who I was. I was so busy trying to be everyone else, I lost myself.

All the messy, the hurt and pain, are the pieces that came together to make a unique individual. And yes, it hurts, but it is so much better. When you let go of comparison and live a unique life, true to who you were created to be, you will be free! Part of that freedom is working through the tough issues in your life. Only when you are able to be honest are you able to move forward.

God made you a unique and special creation. You are not a second rate copy of anyone or anything. You were not a mistake.

Psalm 139:14I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Live Brave! Be True! Lay down comparison and be true to yourself. If you need help or you need to talk to someone please visit MAM's website or go HERE to chat with Hopeline.

You are #beyondcompare

Jess Eveland is a volunteer with MAM and lives in the Nashville area. You can find Jess online at Rock Paper Feather.

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