How we talk about our bodies...

Hatred is a strange unifier. People declare that they hate injustice and band together to fight. People can share in hatred of pancakes and bond over those mutual feelings... although, can anyone really hate pancakes?

As women, we live in a society where it has become acceptable to bond over the hatred of our bodies. Women gather together and mourn the things they dislike, even hate, about their appearance. I have a belly, I jiggle, I have ugly feet, my skin isn’t clear, I don’t like my thighs, I have stringy hair; it’s all been said. We can watch movies like “Mean Girls” and listen to those conversations and not be affected by them because they are so integrated into our lives. We would never say these things to other people, so why is it tolerated when we say these things to ourselves? Yes, women will affirm one another in these situations. Usually when one comments on an aspect of their body another reaches out to counter why that belief isn’t true. Women want to show support and love to one another, but why aren’t we challenging these conversations in the first place? 

How we speak about ourselves is powerful. The more we vocalize our beliefs about ourselves the more they have the opportunity to solidify in our minds. Keep talking about how unattractive your “belly” is and you will place yourself further and further from being able to embrace your body as it is. When we disassociate from our bodies and perceive them as not being our true bodies, we prevent ourselves from truly being able to nurture ourselves. 

Instead of focusing on perceived flaws, what would it be like to acknowledge the things you do like about your body? The perspective on that is usually that one would come off as self-absorbed. I try to imagine what it would be like to hear someone say that they love how beautiful their hair is. I admit that I have been conditioned to roll my eyes at such a comment and think of them as vain. I have fallen into the trap that says that denial of our positives is humility and acknowledgement is arrogance, but these are lies. That paradigm of thinking only leads us to be ashamed of what is good and hyper focus on what we can’t embrace in ourselves. 

What if the response to someone affirming themselves was, “YES!!” I know that some people find themselves in a place of not having anything good to say about themselves, but you can begin with anything as small as, “I love the color of my eyes,” or “I like my pinky finger.” Acknowledge your beauty and the beauty of others without fear!

Malia is a Nashville based dietitian with a heart to help people learn to how to nurture themselves. She has a heart for alternative transportation and reducing food waste. Her dream is to ride a tandem bike all over the world. 

Celebrate Your Selfie… Part 1

What are you afraid of that makes you jump back or even cry? Bugs? Spiders? Mice? Photos?

That’s right: photos.

I’ve always loved taking pictures but when someone tried to take a photo of me it was pulverizing. I would tense up, try to avoid the photo, and I would be rude to the person taking the photo. Sometimes I would run to the bathroom and cry. No matter the reaction, the act of someone taking a photo of me would always completely turn my day around. I could go from careless and happy to angry and self-loathing with one click of a camera.

This process of emotions mentioned above began about freshman year of high school and continued until THIS year. That’s about five years. My fear of seeing my own face in a photo hindered family outings, hang-out time with friends, as well as dance and school functions.

I vividly remember a Christmas party at church where I was rude to my mother and my best friend because I wanted so much for my mom to stop trying to take my photo. I was so afraid of being rejected for the way I looked that I lashed out on loved ones. I couldn’t face the girl I saw in photos.

This summer, I was privileged to witness MAM’s #BeyondCompare campaign first-hand. At Audiofeed Festival and Wachinyeya festival, I was among many volunteers asking festival-goers to let me photograph them.  We would ask them to write an intrinsic value about themselves that makes them unique (i.e. I am a survivor) as a statement of being #beyondcompare because we are loved by God. We needn’t compare ourselves to media stereotypes or the ideals of others because we have are firm in our identity as a child of God.

Through helping with this campaign, I was able to see people like myself who feared photos. I would see the hesitation in people’s faces when I’d ask “Would you like to do our photobooth?” If the person I asked participated, I would take the photograph and sometimes ask “Do you want to see it?” to which many would respond, “Oh no, no I don’t like pictures of myself.”  

So what then?

Do we settle for ignoring our own photograph so we can “move on” and not worry about our fear of selfies? Or maybe you do what I often did-where you post a selfie on Instagram and if only two people like it then you delete it. Should we let our affirmation be in Instagram?

What is really being achieved if we actually like the way we look in pictures? Is it harming anyone if we just ignore the way we feel about selfies?

I want to know your thoughts. Take a look back at these questions. Think about questions you may have. Message me on Facebook or with your thoughts or comment on any of MAM’s social media and let us know what you think.

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#MAMministries #BeyondCompare #CelebrateYourSelfie

Jenna is a native Nashvillian. She is a dancer, writer, and just-for-fun-photographer. She studies Public Relations at Middle Tennessee State University and choreographs for musicals.

Some thoughts on thoughts... Part 2

I realize there are a lot of negative things in the world. Life can get really hard sometimes. It can get overwhelming! Watching the news, you see a lot of crazy awful things but rarely anything uplifting. Our televisions are filled with drama and crisis while there are very few shows about healthy relationships or happy families. It is really easy to see all the messed up stuff in our world and to focus on everything that is negative.

I have challenged myself to see the positive in whatever situation I find myself. I have a little necklace in the shape of a key that says “positivity is the key.” Sometimes this can be hard but it has definitely helped my everyday attitude and my stress level! I have become a much happier person. My anxiety level has lowered significantly. I am able to approach any situation more calmly than in the past when I let negativity rule my thoughts.

Do you know someone who is always negative - where everything they say is critical of things around them? They will always call out what is wrong in a situation before noticing what is right. It seems like they have the worst luck because bad things always happen to them. I’ve seen how this can affect people. It's exhausting focussing on the bad all the time. I do not want to live like that.  

I have a theory that you see what you are looking for. When you focus on the negative, you will find it. So it must be true that when you focus on the positive, you will find it. Your mind cannot focus on positive and negative at the same time - it's like trying to smile and frown at the same time - you can't.

A big part of keeping things positive is to not complain. Most things in life are not really a big deal. A lot of the things I worry and complain about are not life or death. If it is something I can change, I am learning to just do what I need to do instead of complaining about it first. If it is something that I can’t change, then there probably is not anything productive that will come out of my complaining anyway. In my brain, I try to catch myself before I complain out loud. That way I can filter my thoughts to only say things that are going to help a situation move forward in the right direction.

Living in a culture that wants to tell me that I should look different than I do, I have made a promise to myself to never say anything negative about my body out loud. I have heard so many people criticize themselves about the way they look. I look at these people and think they look awesome. It’s all about perspective. When I look in the mirror, I want to love the curves and freckles. Most people will never notice the small things I do not like about myself. I started writing positive things about myself on my mirror as a constant reminder of what I like about me. I only get one body in this life, so I might as well love it!

I'm also trying to focus positive vibes is in my relationships with others. I try to think about other people’s feelings in any situation. Many times, I find myself getting really upset about something and getting really mad at someone else without really even knowing how they feel. I could have taken their words in a way that they did not mean or they could be going through a lot and I am just the easiest target for emotions that have nothing to do with me. Most people do not know everything going on in my life, so I assume there is a ton that the people around me have going on of which I am unaware. Some of these things may be super stressful and hard for them to handle. I try to see the good in people, on their good days and their bad days. Also, when I treat people in a positive way, they tend to reciprocate. Positivity in interactions breeds more positivity.

I hope you will start to be grateful for the positive things in your life and see the good in everything. You can change the world by changing your world and having a positive impact on others. In the very least, you can help by not adding to the negativity. Start with your thoughts, and your whole life can change. 

It all starts with you. You can make the world a little brighter.

Brigid is a Texas girl living in Nashville, TN. She is a volunteer for MAM who loves laughing, Instagram, nachos and adventures.