Open the Book: Lessons Learned From Turning The Page

The world is full of stories. Often coming from the hands of authors, creating new worlds and characters that have the power to bewitch. Sometimes epics of fiction, full of heroes defeating villains and saving the world from certain destruction. Sometimes more gentle tales of self discovery or love in a small town. But what about the others: the nonfiction, the raw, vulnerable accounts of real life experiences. 

The misconception that stories have to be fictional can distract us from the fact that we all have very real stories to tell. I have one, as do you, and so does everyone else. Our stories describe how we came to be, why we are the way that we are, why we live how we do. Yet while each of us yearns to tell their story, we are not nearly so keen to listen. These stories then bottle up, threatening to explode like an erupting volcano. As the late Maya Angelou once said, “There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

After a close friend of mine passed away, I realized how important our stories really are. I didn’t believe stories were important, especially my own - no one needed to know about me. But I was looking at it the wrong way. It’s the personal stories of real life that inspire and they are our legacy too. No matter what happens to us, our stories are still there.

So many of us don’t want to “burden” those around us with our pain and the dark parts of our stories, so we edit and rewrite and only talk about the parts with sunshine and rainbows. We edit our stories so that people only see us the way we want to be seen. Being real and telling the whole story means opening up and being vulnerable, which is a very real and terrifying notion. Now, hold on to your hat, reader, because the next thing I say may blow your mind.

Your story matters. The whole story. The dark parts, the shadows hidden between the bursts of light, the sunshine and rainbows, the demons hiding in your closet, every single detail. It all matters.

If you’re anything like me, this is a difficult concept to grasp. I’ve always been the strong one, the tough girl who doesn’t let anything get to her, the one who is always okay when others would be falling apart. The truth is, I was falling apart, I just didn’t want anyone to know. I felt like my limbs were being pulled in every direction while someone punched me in the heart. But I put on a smile and pretended everything was fine. I don’t like talking to people, I don’t like opening up, and I certainly wasn’t about to let anyone know that I wasn’t fine. But eventually, it broke me. Remember when I said untold stories are like a volcano waiting to erupt? Well, my story erupted Mount St. Helens style, leaving a massive crater in its place. I finally couldn’t take it anymore. I was broken, but I decided that it was time to start putting myself back together. I started going to counseling, I started opening up, I started admitting when I had a bad day. I started praying and going to church again. I stopped pretending nothing could hurt me and admitted to myself the one thing I never wanted to say: I’m human, and I’m not invincible.

I also learned that if this happened to me, it also happens to others. So along with telling more of my story, I started listening. I started having deeper conversations with people, asking them about their lives, encouraging them that their story matters and that they aren’t alone. And I have been blessed and encouraged by the stories I’ve heard.  

People need community and connection, which is getting increasingly difficult as we stop having conversations and retreat behind our phone screens. I urge you to think about the people in your life. If someone is always fine and nothing bothers them, they may need someone to talk to - maybe that friend is you. Perhaps you just want someone to listen. Find someone to share stories with. Make real, meaningful, human connections. Listen for the sake of listening, without judgment. Fearlessly tell your own story. Become an open book. Allow others to write their stories in between the lines of yours. 

When all is said and done, stories exist long after we do. Share yours with the world. You matter, and your story matters. So go ahead. We’re listening.  

Emma Rollman

Maya Angelou: Be Courageous and Empowered

A month ago today one of the great inspirational women of this generation passed away. Maya Angelou was a writer and activist and amongst many other achievements worked alongside Martin Luther King, Jr and Malcolm X in the Civil Rights movement. In this post Jenna Coombs summarises an article she found inspiring about this extraordinary lady.

Maya Angelou had a skill for empowering the world with her expertise in both writing and speech. Karin Kamp of The Story Exchange wrote an article based on a television interview she had with Angelou a few years ago. In the interview, Angelou discussed the development of courage and empowerment. 

According to Angelou, the first thing to know about courage is that it is “developed,” “you’re not born with courage,” Angelou tells PBS.

So how do we “develop” courage when our society is so used to seeing born-to-be-brave heroes bracing our television and movie screens?

Angelou compares courage to a muscle-something you have to train. “One way to develop courage is to not entertain company who debase you. Don’t laugh at someone who is laughing at you…Take offense.”

If someone starts name-calling or belittling you-leave. “You don’t need to say why you’re leaving — say you’re on your way to Bangkok or something.”

Angelou advises that we should build courage by doing things that make us proud of who we are, “If you want to read, take the time to do so. If you want to learn a new language, get a book or audio cassette to help you.” In a society where social media begs us to both tell and show the world the things we’re doing every minute, Angelou says that “no one has to know or see what you’re doing [when you are finally doing those things you’ve wanted to do for yourself].”

That’s how empowerment happens, “through small victories,” said Angelou.

A summary of an article by Karin Kamp: Maya Angelou's Advice to Young Women

Jenna Coombs

Lessons from the Relationships Maze

You have to have a boyfriend to be happy. 

Singleness is awkward and not fun. 

Guys are only attracted to hot girls. 

Everybody is having sex. 

Your significant other can fulfill your purpose in life. 

Divorce is expected. 

Your sex life should be as “hot” as porn. 

You have to be beautiful all the time in order to be noticed. 

A relationship is the end goal. 

Women are objects meant for a man’s pleasure. 

Random hookups are not a big deal. 

Buy this and you will get the girl.

All of the messages that the media sends about relationships are overwhelming but what is the reality - what does love look like? What is a healthy relationship? How do I act in a way that respects myself and the other person?

Here is a picture of what an unhealthy relationship (this is written for girls but works both ways!): Your boyfriend insults you on a regular basis (even if in a “sarcastic” joking manner), he is not supportive of your dreams, and he is jealous of your success. As a couple, you spend more time texting and talking online than in person. Your guy does not respect your boundaries or is unwilling to establish any boundaries for the relationship. You are trying to change him in a major way. You make excuses for his actions on a regular basis. 

A healthy relationship is one where both sides of the relationship are supportive of the other person’s goals and dreams. You may have conflicts but both sides handle the conflict in a mature way. For every negative interaction, the couple has five positive interactions. Your boyfriend is willing to do things that you like, even if he is not a fan of whatever it is. He does not just tolerate your weird quirks, but those are some of the reasons that he fell in love with you. Your relationship means that you both become more of who you were made to be.

Which of these is more appealing to you?

I am not coming from the perspective of “I am happily married and have it all figured out” but of the place of trying to navigate the maze that is relationships in the 21^st century. As I go along, I try to take in as much advice from elderly couples because they are the ones with the experience - they have lived so much more of life than me. If I get married then I hope to be a happily married 80 year old who still holds my husband’s hand when we go places. 

Here are some things that I am learning:

• Take your time when it comes to relationships. Marriage is meant for a lifetime so you do not want to take that lightly. You do not want to jump into the wrong relationship when the amazing guy for you is about to pop into your life.
• Find someone who is supportive of your biggest dreams and goals. Make sure you can be supportive of their dreams too. 
• Set your standards before you start dating someone. Know your worth and how you want to be treated by a significant other. It is much easier to form your boundaries before being in a relationship than trying to establish those boundaries in the heat of the moment. 
• Never compare your relationship to another relationship. All relationships are different so it is not healthy to compare with your friends’ relationships, or compare with your own past relationships. 
• Do not focus on your past or your partner’s past. It is important to talk about your past with each other but there is no reason to dwell on it. In order to have a successful relationship you must move on and focus on the present and future. 
• Know and love yourself first. I know this is cliché and you have heard it before but you will never be able to love someone else, or let someone else love you, until you learn to love yourself. 
• Cultivate your nonromantic relationships. Friends and family are the ones that will stick by you through the years of dating. It is important to pour yourself into the people you are close with and lean on them for support when it comes to the dating process.

Remember: You deserve to be happy. Never settle for anything less than being treated like royalty! 

Brigid Lindveit

The Buyer's Value

Recently, I had a conversation with a friend about our value as human beings. In this conversation he pointed out that as a collector of various items, value is subjective to the buyer or collector.

According to Business Dictionary, product value is “an assessment of the worth of a good or service.” So who determines the worth of a product? The market? The manufacturer?

“I won’t consider buying or collecting a product if it isn’t valuable or meaningful to me,” he said. He explained that ultimately the buyer determines the value of a product.

Many things in this world fight to determine our value. For example, if we have the right house, a certain amount of friends, or the “perfect” body, then we will be valuable to those around us. Of course we may not outwardly express this notion, but the way we treat ourselves does express it. 

In the past I worked two jobs, volunteered with three organizations, had a boyfriend, and was a full-time student. I didn’t understand the word “no” and I thought that meant I was doing it right. I felt like a valuable human being, because of me. So when many of those things ceased in my life or changed shape, I lost that feeling of value. 

I have now realized that my value doesn't come from me. I’m a “collectable”. I don’t have the power to determine my value. The buyer determines that. 

“For you were bought with a price.” 

1 Corinthians 6:20a 

We were bought with a price by our own Creator and he didn’t pay with any currency we could return. He paid with the death of His only, perfect, and blameless son (John 3:16). 

God’s assessment of our worth must have been pretty high if he was to pay such a price. He created us after all, and sent His son as the atoning sacrifice (Rom 3:25), so rather than attempting to find our worth in the standards set by ourselves and this world, it makes sense that we find the appraisal of our value in Him.

Jenna Coombs

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A little more about us...

We think of the United States as one of the most developed nations in the world and yet in this country as many as 1 in 3 girls will be sexually abused during their adolescence and only 30% of those cases will be reported. 2 million people will self harm in the USA this year - the majority girls. Over 50% of teenage girls use unhealthy weight control methods including skipping meals, laxatives, fasting, binge eating and vomiting. Each year 1 in 20 adolescents will seriously consider suicide.

This is a depressing picture of the land of freedom and opportunity. And is the reason why organisations like Morning After Ministries (MAM) need to exist to offer the help that these young people aren't accessing elsewhere.

Everyone is unique. Everyone is loved. Everyone has value. But not everyone believes that. This can lead to bad decisions being made, unhealthy habits being adopted and self worth being destroyed. This is the reality for many girls and young women today.

MAM exists to provide education and awareness about value based struggles; to meet girls and young women where they are at; to provide a safe space for them to share their story; and to help them get the help they need to live a full and purposeful life. MAM exists to be the hands and feet of Jesus the "morning after" a girl makes her biggest mistake and provides a safe space to begin to talk about issues like the ones mentioned above and many more.

We tackle issues such as eating disorders, self harm, sexual health, substance abuse, body image and many more. We want to help people understand the issues that girls and young women are facing today and to equip them to reach out and get them the support they need.

MAM approaches these issues through outreach, education and community - working in both preventative and reactionary measures. We run schools work programmes, run and attend a whole variety of events aimed at young people, provide educational resources, offer mentoring, signposting and prayer, and they work alongside parents, teachers, churches and youth groups.

If you want to find out more or get involved please take a look at our website:
www.morningafterministries.com